Family Happenings

The little girl got off the school bus and came into the house.
“Anything interesting happen at school today,” her father asked.
“During recess, some boys came onto the girls’ side of the playground and the girls had to drive them back with purse karate” she replied.
“Wow…purse karate!” the father said, “That must be really hard to learn!”
“Oh no… it’s easy” the daughter replied matter-of-factly, “Just find a real BIG rock and put it in your purse.”
Guess the lads won’t be back any time soon.


The nursing home activities attendant was preparing the room for the evening activities. One elderly lady resident had come in early and was obviously waiting to be assigned some task to keep herself busy. Since the evening activities involved games using dice, the activities attendant said, “Lucy, why don’t you hand everyone a pair of dice when they come in” and handed the woman a box of cubes.
The lady eagerly took the box and stationed herself at the doorway. As each resident wheel chaired themselves in, they were greeted with an enthusiastic:
“Do you want TWO die? Do you want TWO die?”



After 60, marriage can get really funny. My wife and I had just finished up a meal and as we faced one another across the kitchen table, she showed me a JC Penny, 80% OFF sales flyer and asked, “Would you mind going over to the mall after your doctor appointment tomorrow?”

(Anyone who knows me knows how much I like to shop…NOT!)
This was not a request…this was a test. The real question was not would I go shopping … the real question was would I go easy… or would I go hard (and throw one of my infamous conniption fits).

There was no good answer. If I said “no, I don’t mind” then I would be a bald-faced liar and coward-wimp. If I replied “yes, I do mind” then I would suffer the slow agony of spousal pay-back.

Faced with this dilemma, I decided to remain silent and go straight to my trump suit…SARCASM! I immediately dropped to the table with a feigned coronary and then rolled off onto the floor. On my back, I extended my arms and legs into the air and did a long half-minute of my best dying cockroach routine.

Like I said, after 60, marriage can get really funny…and yes, next day, this little cockroach did go to market!