In a recent blog, Frugal or Cheap, I wrote a list of money saving ideas that I recommended people not try. Here are a few more that I discovered over the holidays.
When the door-to-door missionaries give you free religious tracts, do not wrap them and put them under the tree as presents for your daughter’s main squeeze. This will result in some really strange looks on Christmas morning.
If you attend a funeral and eat the post-funeral meal, on the way home do not jokingly tell your better-half that she has just been taken out for a date and dinner. Some people have no sense of humor.
Do not put a large card on a small homemade Christmas gift that reads: “Love you Sis…S M I L E if you’re not wearing underwear!” I thought it would be worth it to see her grin ear to ear, but it wasn’t.
If you write something that you think is humorous or cute in a greeting card (reader refer to previous entry) do not omit your signature and sign your wife’s name instead. This may result in severe cerebral contusions.
Finally, if you take family to FREE ZOO DAY do not trap them in a revolving door or barred turnstile and refer to them as the troglodyte exhibit. Geez…why didn’t I realize what would happen when I let them out!
(Note to reader: Of course all of the above are pure fiction and NONE of them ever really happened.)
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